Smidgen of Control

I'd like to be a control freak.

I'd like to think I have a tiny smidgen of control over things that happen to me.

I don't.

I really don't. I plan and plan - but things just happen.

Usually, I just roll with it. Controlling what I can. Maybe trying to control too much. Perhaps if I didn't WANT to be such a control freak things would not frustrate me when they don't work out.

I have been feeling so out of control lately. How about you? Are all your ducks in a row?

I deal with a fair amount of chaos. I have six kids, four still at home. Try that on if you think you are in control. ha! You can't control kids.

And there sure is no illusion that we can control some other adult in our lives. Right!? We just had our third child turn 18. We have been talking about the things that have to happen now just so we can help her navigate her last year of homeschool. If she wants to take college classes, I can pay for them, but I can't get grade reports or talk to the business office without her consent.

Talk about a surreal lack of control.

It is the same with doctor's offices. I can pay the bill - and sure enough, they still have my hubby and I listed as the responsible party - but I can't go back with our "adult" children or talk to the doctor about them without their written consent. Same at the pharmacy, the DMV, and any other agency.

No control!

Her birthday is just a reminder. As if I needed one.

This past month has been so completely out of control. My crazy train has decided to jump the tracks and go off-roading!

Seriously!

We are postponing the retreat scheduled at our house - again. NOT my fault. Crazy things going on here. Like, you-can't-make-this-stuff-up, crazy. But the calendar is full, I don't know when we will get to have it. I don't WANT to reschedule.

I can sit here and fume about the perfect weather, the food I bought, the hours cleaning and my already full calendar, etc. I can wish things were different. I can want them to be different, but they are not. I can't control so many things.

Just me.

What is that verse I quote to my kids all the time, "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."

So what do we do when our world is out of control? When events don't happen? When schedules are too full and tings are falling apart? When school isn't done and spring beckons us outside? When people don't get well quickly enough or at all? When we are floundering?

Here is some things I have done recently to help me.

Own your mistakes. This one is hard. But sometimes my life sucks because I have seriously screwed up. Owning up to failures and mistakes brings clarity.

"I handled that situation poorly." "Now, what?" Face the consequences. I've had some pretty big failures lately. I tend to imagine the worst consequences. For example, when they were little and my kid bit another child in preschool class. I tend to think the other parents will want us to drop out of the class. I brace myself for the worst possible consequence. Usually, other people give me much more grace than I deserve. I am grateful they see my ugliness and still love me. [I try to do the same for them. Funny how we seem to be harder on ourselves than we would ever be on others.]


Don't bottle it up. I'm a verbal processor. I need to talk it out or write it out. When I'm mad, I write. I list all the things that frustrate me about the situation.

When the situation erupted about having to move the retreat, I called a friend and ranted/vented. We have this thing, she and I, where one of us calls and may or may not say, "I need to vent." Sometimes we just know it without saying it. We get to say stuff we won't be judged on. We get to process verbally. The other one gets to listen with understanding and sympathy and then give Godly perspective. Everyone needs a friend like that! [Thanks, D.]

My husband has to think it through. He has to have space and time to process before talking. [Can you see how this sometimes gets us into trouble?] He travels for work, so he gets lots of thinking time, but he used to have "me time" where he could just go and be away. To be alone, even from me, to think and process. I don't "get" that - but I respect it just like he respects that sometimes I call him when it is 6 am his time because I need to process. :-)

Just do it! I love that slogan - and yes, I am OK with knowing that it dates me.

When I was much younger with many young children, I mentioned to my mother-in-law that I had way too many things to get done. She smiled, put her hand on my arm and leaned in close. "Make a list and just do it." She said. She said it in such a matter-of-fact way that I believed her when she finished with, "You'll get it done." What a beautiful word of encouragement and practical advice from a sage woman. Over the years I've heard it many times. She says it about the list of home improvement projects I want to do, about the vacation plans I want to make, etc. She cocks her head to the side and says, "Make a list."

We can whine about the situation and do nothing, or we can make a list and do the things that need to be done. It works.

My dad is taking an extremely long time to recover from surgery. Months longer than expected. What can I control? I can't make him get better faster.

But I can do something. We made time to go see him in the hospital, the rehab place, and the skilled nursing place. Now that he is home we have changed plans to go to his house instead of somewhere else with him because getting him out is very difficult. Do I hate that he is in a wheelchair and can't get out much? YES! Did I hate being in a small room with a bunch of kids being too loud and with sick, germ-y people everywhere around us? Yes. Seeing him beats whining about it every time. Every single time. Doing beats complaining.

Figure out the plan and do it.

Find your new normal.

As my calendar exploded (I changed phone and accidentally dropped/missed several events and activities.), one thing I did was start a bullet journal. I'll post more about it later, and post pictures. It makes me happy and calmer to plan this way.

Let me tell you, it fits me.

It is colorful and pretty, but at first glance, it looks like pure chaos. I kid you not. But I planned for the chaos and have a unique system of organizing it that makes it expandable and flexible while still small enough to fit in my purse. I can't wait to show you. Next time.

Bullet Journal

I love tech. Love. I would almost rather do anything online. Even reading. [My friend Debby is cringing right now, but it is true!]

Now, this is probably because I tend to lose things like books. Although I often put down my phone, it is easy enough to have one of the kids call me so I can find it. So in essence, it is never really too far away.

So this year I stopped carrying a planner. They were no longer working for me anyway. I just never found one that had everything I wanted in a format that worked for me.

I began this year using my phone for everything. I put appointments in my phone's calendar, I used Remember the Milk and Monday and since I had a Galaxy note, I even had my scribbles on virtual sticky notes. It was working fairly well.

Until I changed phones.

I've missed appointments and I can't remember stuff I had on the sticky notes. I know I can get other programs and figure out a way to get the stuff to my new phone, but that was turning into a nightmare. And I don't text as well as I write.

So I was feeling a bit frustrated. And angry with myself for dropping the ball on a very important fundraiser.

Then my artsy-creative daughter sent me a pin (as in Pinterest), THIS pin to be exact.

I am in love!

I had already been doing rag-journals for Bible notes. (The kids were adamantly opposed to writing and journaling in their Bibles.)

So I had all this stuff that was perfect for my kind of bullet journal. It is a mixture of the bullet journalling in the video and a tiny bit of scrapbooking.

I could not be happier with it.

This is the first page - the index. I don't have page numbers.

On purpose.

I need the flexibility to be able to add and remove pages as I go along.

So I coded the index page with different materials I could use on the edges of the pages.

If you want to find the grocery lists page, you simply look for the page with the edge made from a brown paper bag.

The index page for projects is rimmed with black washi tape.

See the highlighter on the index page? I can find the habits page by looking for the highlighter. I cut a piece of green plastic to make a cover for my daily routine/habits. Each day I can mark them complete with a permanant marker (or wet erase). Each evening, I can swipe it clean with a bit of alcohol or nail polish remover.
On the facing page, I can track each habit to see which I'm doing consistently. I taped the graph paper square to the page. This allows me to change out the graph paper as needed and gives me room to write goals underneath.

This is my general "to do" list. I am making the lists on sticky notes so I can change them out as needed. I used a stamp to make the squares. They do not give me enough room to write the details so I won't be using them again. The sticky notes are GENIUS though, so this page can stay in the journal and the lists can change easily.

Then there is the Projects Master List page. It is an index to all my current projects. I have them grouped, and in some cases use a single sticker or emblem for all the pages, while other subprojects have their own "doodad" to help me find the right page. The "doodads" are cute little brads I picked up along the way. 

My girls like this page the best! This is where I will track the hours they drive. I copied the font from an online font designer page. What was I thinking? I will probably cover that up with something and do it again. But not today. ANYWAY, We are doing parent-taught driver's ed this year with two kids. They each need to drive over 50 hours in the next six months. Although it is not a requirement of the program, we require our kids to know how to change a tire and to pump gas. Life skills, right?!

I hope it helps me stay on track and get everything done. We need to finish the school year strong and prepare for another very busy summer of activities.

What kind of planner do you use?

Free Homeschooling Resources

My friends and I have been compiling lists of resources we have used for homeschoolers or parents who want to supplement their child's education. 

These are just a FEW of the FREE websites. 

Reading: 

* http://howtohomeschoolforfree.com/free-reading-curriculum/

* Starfall (A speech therapist turned me on to this site years ago.) http://www.starfall.com/

General Elementary:
* http://www.confessionsofahomeschooler.com/my-printables

* http://crisscrossapplesauce.typepad.com/

* http://www.dltk-teach.com/alphabu…/…/four-per-page/index.htm

* http://www.apples4theteacher.com/

Multiple Subjects and Unit Studies
* EasyPeasy https://allinonehomeschool.com/  (A complete homeschool curriculum. I love that the History has links to many, many primary sources)

* Georgia Virtual Learning (shared/public resources): http://www.gavirtuallearning.org/Resources/SharedLandingPage.aspx 

* Khan Academy https://www.khanacademy.org/

* Coursera (online courses from universities around the world) https://www.coursera.org/

* MIT - https://ocw.mit.edu/index.htm (College level classes)

* 50 unit studies. https://reneeatgreatpeace.com/unit-studies/

Specific Subjects:
Math

* By topic or grade level http://aaamath.com/

Language Arts

* Purdue OWL (Purdue's Online Writing Lab doesn't exactly have a curriculum, but it has a very good explanation of just about every kind of writing you can think of. It is a fantastic resource for teachers. https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/

* Handwriting (or copy work) maker [There are SO many of this kind of website!] (These could easily be made up to practice grammar or editing skills.)

• https://www.worksheetworks.com/eng
• http://www.writingwizard.longcountdown.com/handwriting_practice_worksheet_maker.html 

Science

* Forensics Illustrated (a public school teacher-created course including the textbook for a 1-semester high school science) I used this as a base and added to it to create a full credit lab science course.

* Inner Body http://www.innerbody.com/htm/body.html Not a curriculum, but an excellent resource for Anatomy or Biology.

History/Social Sciences/Humanities

* Hillsdale College (free upper-level courses added regularly - usually history or social sciences) https://www.hillsdale.edu/academics/free-online-courses/

Electives (Music, Art, etc.)

* Free Music Theory course Dave Conservatoire http://www.daveconservatoire.org/topic/getting-started

Foreign Language (including Computer Programming and Sign Language)

* Code Academy has all kinds of computer science lessons codeacademy.com

* ASL Pro (Completely free video-based sign language course with quizzes) http://www.aslpro.com/

General Homeschooling

* Donna Young (free lesson planners and other material as well as paid resources http://donnayoung.org/index.htm)

* YouTube also has great videos to help teach in an area you are not familiar with.

* An online Learning Management System (LMS) has changed my life! (In public schools, they call using these "flipped" classrooms or "blended learning" situations. Colleges use this for their online classes (such as dual enrollment). We use Schoology. It is free for homeschoolers.

Oklahoma Homeschool Options

If you are on Mars, you may not know about the public school teacher's strike going on here in Oklahoma. It is a crazy, complicated issue.

I have about 10 blog posts on this issue floating in my head. While I think it is abysmal that teachers are not paid well, I also do not believe that can be laid completely at the feet of the legislature. As with any political issue, there are many facets and more than one valid opinion. As a homeschooler, who pays taxes that fund public education but doesn't use public education, I wonder how I should respond to this issue.

We don't send our children to public schools for a variety of reasons. We choose to homeschool. We think it is best, we have been called to do it.

However, rather than debating our stance on the strike or listing the reasons we homeschool or waxing philosophical on why we don't love public schools, this post is a list of websites we have utilized in our homeschool journey.

If you are new to homeschooling, or just thinking about homeschooling, it is easy to feel overwhelmed. It is easy to turn your children over to the "experts" in a brick and mortar school (public, private, hybrid/homeschool) and trust for the best. But you do have many options. Hopefully, this post will give you information to begin your journey with a question or two already answered.

One of the newest homeschooling methods is the online public school model. Entities such as EPIC Charter Schools, K12, and Connections Academy are examples of this quasi-homeschool (it is really public schooling at home) trend. It is totally free, and some like EPIC even provide funding for electives such as martial arts, photography, and art classes. A public school teacher (they don't teach in brick and mortar schools, but are hired as part of the public school system) oversees your child's education. Depending on the program, the parent has varying degrees of freedom and choices in subject matter. If you want to have the same or very similar instruction at home as in the local public school, this might be a good choice for you. If you have an issue with WHAT is being taught in public schools, this may not be the best fit for you as a homeschool family.

In Tulsa, OK, there is a hybrid private school/homeschool option. Although I think several private schools are embracing this model of part-time students, the school SPECIFICALLY designed for part-time brick and mortar/part-time homeschool is CEA. We had homeschooling neighbors who went to CEA. They loved it! School at the CEA campus three mornings a week, the rest of the week traditional homeschooling. It was too expensive for us, so I do not have direct experience. I snagged this from their website:

Christian Education Alliance is a unique education ministry to home school families in the Tulsa metro area. Founded in 1994, CEA’s mission is to provide limited classroom instruction to home school students, helping parents provide an excellent academic foundation for their children. An equally important aspect of the program is a commitment to the promotion of godly character.

In addition to its educational mission, CEA is a community for like-minded homeschool families providing opportunities for social interaction through field trips, socials, service projects, and other activities. CEA families embrace a learning and social environment that encourages students to develop healthy friendships, freeing them to concentrate on deepening their relationship with Christ and serving others.

Then there is what I will call "pure" homeschooloing, where the parent has all the control with little to no outside oversight or input or funding.

{There is a little bit of debate in the homeschool community whether the other two are actual homeschooling, and the disadvantages of this kind of thing, but for the purpose of this post, I'm going to let that slide. Please don't argue this in the comments. I get it, OK? I'm just laying out the options.}

We have always been this kind of "pure" homeschoolers except when our daughter was enrolled in the local public school 4-year-old program, a semester when we were public schooled in Iowa, and the next two semesters in Iowa when we were homeschooled but required to register with the public school.

You can think of homeschooling as a continuum. On one end is the keep-up-with-public-schoolers. These parents align classes and subjects according to the public school schedule of subjects. If the public school does Earth science in 8th grade and Biology in 9th, they do too. If this is what you are leaning towards in your homeschool journey, you will purchase textbooks geared toward grade levels and subjects. The Oklahoma PASS (academic standards) page may be helpful to you.

On the other end of the spectrum are the unschoolers. The beauty of this kind of schooling is that it is child-directed, meaning if a child is interested in dinosaurs, you will study about dinosaurs until the child has satiated his or her curiosity. It may be trips to the library, an archeological dig, museums, etc. [We have never been brave enough to try this for very long. Doesn't it sound like a magical time? Momma or Dad has to be organized enough to get materials and guide learning. And what if the child loses interest in school? You have to be creative enough to inspire desire to learn. It sounds like no school, and I fear it would be in my house, but it is not. Not at all. This is a very valid means of homeschooling!]

Leaning a little in the middle are the other kinds of homeschooling. They are the hybrids. Delight-Directed homeschooling is very similar to unschooling except that "Delight Directed studies still require direction and structure. There are still requirements to be met and core subjects to be taught.  Delight Directed Homeschooling takes into account each individual child’s learning styles and interests, but it also recognizes that children are foolish and ought not to be “left to themselves.” (Proverbs 29:15)"

A little more structured is the Charlotte Mason style of homeschool. Charlotte Mason was a big proponent of good, living books. She advocated learning from experience and what she called twaddle-free books. Stories written about historical events as opposed to a paragraph in a textbook. Children in a Charlotte Mason homeschool narrate to show comprehension (basically summarize the book with vivid details in the child's own words). They explore nature to learn about it (similar to unschooling, but directed by the parent) - drawing what they see (or taking pictures in our case) and using reference guides such as the Nature Study Handbook to look up information about what the child saw. Children are exposed to many, many subjects in short lessons. Simply Charlotte Mason and Ambleside Online are two big names that follow Charlotte Mason's philosophies. It sounds similar to delight directed, but she was also a huge pusher of good habits (for both mother and child).

Unit studies are another hybrid. In unit studies, all subjects are learned as they relate to a core topic. So if you study Ancient Greece, you will read literature from the time such as myths. You will study the Pythagorean Theorem and other contributions from ancient mathematicians. In fact, you will almost certainly read a biography or two of mathematicians, philosophers, etc. Church history of the time is studied as well (if you choose), along with European geography. Science would be covered as you study Aristotle, Archimedes, and the like. Konos is a big name in unit studies. When my children were young, we used several Konos unit studies. (I relearned how to knit and crochet and weave in one unit!)

Sonlight curriculum is literature-based but much more structured like a public school. It is a complete grade-based curriculum with daily lesson plans. The booklist is similar to Charlotte Mason's style of books, but it feels more like a traditional school setting. I have never used Sonlight, but many friends have and loved it! If you are a former public school teacher looking to homeschool like my dear friend Emilie, you may very well LOVE it, too.

If this confuses you or overwhelms you, here are some websites that may give you guidance:
What's your Homeschool Personality?
The Homeschool Style Quiz
The Five Homeschooling Styles (written by Sonya over at Simply Charlotte Mason, it is a little biased)